Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Directions

Amsterdam
 
For reasons never adequately explained, people have always felt the urge to stop me and ask for directions. Perhaps it's my purposeful expression or manly stride, but back in London lost foreigners inevitably turn to me when they need to get from London Tower to Windsor Castle Palace. Despite blatantly being a tourist backpacker, and sporting a suitably hangdog expression after four hours trudging round in Glasgow-like drizzle, I was called upon to do my bit once again earlier. "Are you knowing the way to Dam Square?" said the woman of the family as they pulled up in a van. Remarkably, I did, although it was only about 50 yards away. Or 50 metres, if I'd said yards I would probably have been run out of town or beaten with clogs.
 
Other than that, things are already looking up. The sun's come out, I eventually reached the end of Anna Karenina (who'd have thought she'd turn out to be a man?) and a trip to a supermarket led to a truly epic display of gorging on half a dozen very welcome cheese and ham sandwiches. I've even managed to make contact with the elusive Mr Sime, and we'll be meeting in one of those hilariously-named squares later on, so I can explain to him once again that not having a phone means I can't be contacted on it.

1 Comments:

At 20 July 2004 at 15:24, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the rustic tableau, mate. Glad to know you're having a rum ol' time of it. Warms me cockles, it really does. Or at least it would if I weren't sitting here cadaver-like, having been up since 5:45am, ready to the meet The Man Who Wasn't There, Mr. Richard Williams Jones.

So while I'm hunched over my PC, with eyes that feel downright chlorinated, I'm nothing short of delighted to read that you plan to explain to me "once again" about the consequences of your phonelessness.

While I applaud your kindness to your fellow man (or should that be "put-upon host"), I'd just like to clarify to any readers that to explain to me "once again" would necessitate your having already told me of your being phonefree. Which you haven't, hadn't, didn't and might never do at this rate, you scummer.

I ask again: Où est votre téléphone? Dove è il vostro telefono? あなたの電話はどこにあるか? (The last one may be a bit out - my Japanese is a trifle rusty these days)

Now get your shortbread-packed arse into gear, and get yourself a freakin' phone. To quote the Wizard of Oz (which incidentally was named after L. Frank Baum saw the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet marked "O-Z"), "We ain't in Sudan anymore, Rich".

I look forward to meeting you.

 

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